You know, tonight was a pretty damn good night. I had a blast at the party/bar I went to, even though my shitty jokes about Canada would have been better left as a pick up line and not a whole conversation topic, but a damper was put on the night by something else.
I lost my jacket.
It’s weird, the attraction that we develop towards inanimate objects. Houses, cars, boats, shoes, handbags, these items take on identities of their own. People name them, treat them as trustworthy companions. They become armor, protection, part of one’s identity. We picture ourselves and take pictures of ourselves with these objects.
I found my jacket at an Army-Navy Store going out of business sale, right outside of Amherst. I was struggling all day to figure out a Halloween costume and I only had my brother’s car to borrow for that short window of several hours. On a whim, after striking out at the mall and the big chain stores, we stopped in the Army-Navy store.
There I found a thin; I think part wool, part synthetic jacket that looked just like Indiana Jones’s jacket. Even though it wasn’t leather, it looked the part perfectly of an Adventurer’s jacket. My inner nerd shivered in awe. My inner Jew shivered at the sale, marked down from 50 to 10.
I ordered the Fedora, a special edition official piece of memorabilia off of e-bay. The hat has its own story of decease that involves its shrinking in a water hole somewhere on a Camp Trip in the White Mountains, but I’m over its loss of use to me. I still have it, it just can’t fit on my big head.
I wore that jacket on Halloween, and had what I’ll count as my best costume ever. I had the hat, khakis, a fake revolver, a whip, brown shoes, a brown shirt, and the jacket. That night, I was thrown into the adventures of college head first, being felt up, flashed, and attacked as I worked the door at the party that night. Through it all, I had my armor, the piece that made the costume.
Afterwards, far from being relegated to a forgotten piece in my closet, I choose to wear it almost all the time. In winter, in spring, summer, fall, cold, wet, all times. I wore it over formal clothes, casual, I just threw it on and left in it. It became a permanent part of my wardrobe.
Yeah, sure it wasn’t always as warm as I needed it to be. Yeah, some people call it a “shirt-jacket”, but it was fucking cool.
I’ve worn it for the past two years. More than any other piece of clothing, it has always been my companion. It has just become instinct to grab it and go.
Tonight, some stupid American bitch at the party confused her sweater, probably bought at American Eagle for 80 bucks, for my cheap jacket. I left her jacket behind with the bartender, hoping they’d return for an exchange, but I won’t hold my breath.
I’m also saying goodbye to my car right now. An ’89 Jaguar that has carried me tens of thousands of miles across New England. Flying down to my grandparents or out to Amherst with the roof down and the windows open (probably wearing my jacket) was one of the most incredible sensations while moving that I have ever had.
After failing inspection two years in a row suffering body damage twice, and chugging along but obviously on its last breaths. After suffering through break problems, light problems, starter problems, something where it only started every 8th ignition, and god know’s what else, it’s time to say goodbye to my car too.
My grandparents are also selling their house. Countless holidays with the family have been spent there. Memories made in every hallway, every inch of the backyard, every hidden nook in the shrubs surrounding the house. I’ve spent more time there then probably anywhere but the two houses I’ve lived in and maybe camp.
These three objects have all brought me great memories, and at different points I have seen as part of my identity. But you know what, the object’s don’t make us, we make the objects.
The confidence that the jacket brought me, that was all me. There wasn’t some magical fabric woven into its lining (oh wait, there isn’t any lining to it).
The car, the feeling of adventure of speed, and etc. That was only me knowing how to enjoy otherwise boring and monotone road trips. The house, that was simple my family filling it with love.
Inanimate objects are awesome. Having possessions to call your own is a great feeling. They can enhance one’s sense of self and help shape one’s image. I love that jacket, but I’ll find another one. It’s replaceable. In the end, it’s only a bunch of stitching and fabric.
As I’m finishing this, I’ve seen on facebook that one of my friends on the trip was robbed at gunpoint by his taxi driver. He gave over 800 pesos ($200 American). Puts shit into perspective, doesn’t it?
Thank god I’m too cheap for taxis and take buses whenever possible…
That’s all nothing to say of my own experience, getting harassed by street children while coming off the subway tonight. We were speaking English, walking up to the street, and should’ve figured we’d be easy marks. I saw one running up to one of my friends and shouted in Spanish at the kid. They then started to try to grab on to us, one of them trying to kick my friend. We ran across the street, the children followed. My friends continued running and I shoved one of the kids. He looked at me and laughed until he saw the expression on my face. Him and his friend left.
During dinner, talking to my host mom’s son he acknowledged that parts of Argentina are still the “third world”. People live on the streets. Many make a living collecting bottles from people’s trash. They actually unionized and protested in the Plaza de Mayo when recycling almost became formalized. There’s one lady always sitting by the bank near me asking for moneda (money).
I’m seeing reality down here. And you know what? Fuck my jacket, fuck my car, fuck the house. I was so luck to have them. That they existed. That I’m not harassing Americans for survival. But you know what, I did like how the jacket helped me blend in, but again, like all inanimate objects, I gave it that quality. Confidence, comfort, and castellano, that’s all it takes to blend in.
you lost your adventure jacket??
ReplyDeletei understand your loss